Monday, 17 June 2013

Façade Success?

Façade is a very interesting game, where you talk to a couple in their apartment about various things from the point of view as on old friend of the two, and focus of their strenuous relationship.

It's great, and can be played in several ways. At some points its obvious to see that their is some forced linearity as part of the drama and story telling, but for the most part it plays quite well.

Just don't talk about melons.

Here's my surprisingly successful stageplay that manages to keep them together, despite my attempt at generally making no sense half the time, and the other half being insulting.

(COLOUR CODED FOR CLARITY)
FACADE STAGEPLAY
Mon Jun 17 18 47 37 2013

GRACE
Trip, when are you going to get rid of this?

(Tammy knocks on the front door.)

(Tammy knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
Uhp, she's here!

GRACE
What?! You said she's coming an hour from now!

TRIP
No, she's supposed to be here now!

TAMMY
wait

GRACE
Trip...!

(Trip opens the front door.)

TRIP
Tammy!! 

TRIP
Hey!   God  it's been so long since we've seen you!  -- (interrupted)

TAMMY
I THOUGHT TAMMY IS A MAN'S NAME

TRIP
Uh...

TRIP
Well come on in...

TRIP
Uh, let me go get Grace...

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

TAMMY
YOU BOOB!

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

(TAMMY knocks on the front door.)

TRIP
(unintelligable arguing)

(TAMMY points to the wedding gown sketch.)

GRACE
Tammy

(TAMMY uses the answering machine.)

ANSWERING MACHINE
No new messages

GRACE
Hi!  How are you?  Oh god it's been such a long time!

TRIP
Yeah, yeah, how are you doing?

GRACE
Uh, I just asked her that...

TRIP
Well, I can ask her too!

GRACE
(frustrated sigh)

TAMMY
I JUST LOST MY JOB

GRACE
Uh...

GRACE
Well, come in, make yourself at home...

TRIP
Whoops, I need to go close the door.  

TRIP
Heh heh,    Tammy,  seeing you brings back good memories, you know?

(Trip closes the front door.)

GRACE
Yes, it does.   H-mmm -- (interrupted)

TAMMY
Does it really?

TRIP
Yeah, uh, we -- we've -- uh, we've missed you.

TRIP
Hey, I just realized something.

GRACE
What...

TRIP
Oh, tonight's a special night!  A celebration in fact!

GRACE
What do you mean?

TRIP
Tammy,  remember, it was almost exactly ten years ago, tonight, that you introduced us. 

TRIP
Senior year of college!

GRACE
Oh... geez...

TRIP
Remember that?

TAMMY
Sort of!

TRIP
Um, well, without you, we wouldn't even have this celebration. 

TRIP
Oh,    Tammy,  take a look at this photo I just put up from our trip to Italy a couple of weeks ago...

GRACE
(little sigh)

TRIP
Tammy,  Come here, I want you to look at this!

GRACE
(little sigh)

TAMMY
What are these pictures?

(TAMMY points to the wedding gown sketch 4.)

(TAMMY points to the wedding gown sketch 4.)

TRIP
Oh, you'll never guess where I took that picture.

GRACE
Is this really something you want -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Oh yeah,  let me tell you about work. I just brought in a new account  - print ads for a line of bridal fashion. 

TRIP
Very big. 

GRACE
I think you forgot to mention that I'm the lead designer on this project. 

TRIP
Oh it's a great, uh, creative opportunity for Grace.  Yeah.

TRIP
But anyway, I just got back from a client meeting in Barcelona.  I love European culture.

TAMMY
The dresses look LOVELY

GRACE
Yeah! 

TRIP
Tammy,  come on, take a look at this picture! -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Trip, darling, your obsession with that photo of yours is making our friend uncomfortable. -- (interrupted)

TAMMY
But it's just some silly photo

TRIP
Oh, I didn't think you wanted to hear about the Italy trip tonight...  (clears throat)

TAMMY
I don't.

GRACE
N -- no, no, it was just a weekend getaway.

GRACE
Yeah,  I'm hoping you can help me understand where I went wrong with my new decorating, ha ha.  

TRIP
Oh, Grace, let's not do that.

(TAMMY sits on the couch.)

GRACE
(little sigh) With this room I was trying for a kind of post modern style...

(TAMMY gets up from the couch.)

(TAMMY sits on the couch.)

TRIP
Well yeah, I think that comes across.

GRACE
but it is clearly just not happening.  This is a mess. -- (interrupted)

(TAMMY points to the big abstract painting.)

(TAMMY points to the big abstract painting.)

GRACE
Yes, yes, this painting...

(TAMMY gets up from the couch.)

GRACE
(little sigh) This new painting above the couch is, uh, well, a -- an experiment...

TRIP
There's nothing wrong with it...

GRACE
but when I see it hanging here, in this room...  it looks to me like an amateur painted it.

TRIP
(little impatient sigh) Grace...!

TAMMY
You could paint a better one

GRACE
Really?  

TRIP
See, Grace, you're the only one unhappy with your decorating.

GRACE
It just seems stupid to pay for a painting that I could have just as easily painted myself.

TRIP
Grace, sweetheart, your decorating is fine, okay?  Besides this painting is a great investment, I'm sure.

TAMMY
You like it Trip?

GRACE
Huh, I think I forgot how well you two get along...

TRIP
(little sigh)

TRIP
Ah,  -- (interrupted)

TAMMY
Old firen

GRACE
W -- wait, wait, what's wrong, Trip?

GRACE
Trip, it's okay if we disagree in front of our friend --

TRIP
Disagreeing?!  We're NOT disagreeing.  

TRIP
We're not.  

TRIP
You know what?  It's about time... 

TRIP
I fix us some drinks!

GRACE
Pssh... I knew that was coming, heh.

TRIP
When it comes to drinking, I -- I generally avoid temptation heh unless I can't resist it. -- (interrupted)

TAMMY
Ha ha ha

GRACE
Look I already know how you feel about my decorating, let's just... move on from that topic of conversation. -- (interrupted)

TRIP
So... drinks...

TRIP
Ah I know... I'm going to open us a magnificent, I mean, astounding Bordeaux.  

TAMMY
Can we have something simpler?

TRIP
No no I really think we should have this wine, trust me, trust me!

TRIP
Best of the best, you can't buy this in stores... Very, very special --

GRACE
God Trip, you're just like my dad with the whole wine snob thing.

TRIP
I'll take that as a compliment.     Tammy,  what do you say?

GRACE
Tammy,  maybe you'd like some juice, or a mineral water?

TRIP
What...?

TAMMY
Ok

GRACE
Okay!  Trip, you heard her!

TRIP
No, this is a special get-together, I want to open this wine, I'm not going to settle less!

GRACE
You seem perfectly happy settling for less when you sneak off to that crappy little sports bar down the street!

TRIP
What?!

GRACE
Don't think I don't know about your secret little hangout where you watch football and drink lite beer with lowly construction workers...

TRIP
How -- how do you -- how do you know about that --

GRACE
If only the guys at your high class poker games knew about that, huh? 

TRIP
What -- you --

GRACE
Some habits are hard to break I guess.

TRIP
Ahh, this is bull****!

GRACE
Ahh, no, you're full of ****!

GRACE
Your goddamn sports bar...

GRACE
You so desperately want to be high class!  So badly!

TRIP
(little impatient sigh)     Tammy,  I...

TRIP
(frustrated sigh)

TAMMY
It's because of Trip's Past

TRIP
Huh?  What, what -- what was that?

GRACE
Romance... goddamn...

GRACE
Tammy

GRACE
Are you trying to say we've got problems?  Or I've got problems, that this is all my fault from the start?  Is that what you think?

TRIP
Oh, god...!

TAMMY
I think everything

TRIP
Alright, you know what,     Tammy

TRIP
I need to ask you something.

GRACE
Trip --

TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.

TAMMY
No

TRIP
Tammy,  yes or no...

TRIP
Isn't the goal in life, and in marriage, to improve your life, to have more than you did before?

GRACE
What?

TRIP
I mean, shouldn't you get married so you can have a better, richer life than before?

TAMMY
No

TRIP
What...?!

TRIP
Oh, yeah, that's fine... that's fine...

TAMMY
Marriage is about relationship

TRIP
Grace, you won't let me be who I want to be!  Who -- who I am!  This is who I am now!  Goddammit!

GRACE
Oh, don't even...!

GRACE
Uhh!  Yeah, good, get away from me!

GRACE
I can't take you anymore!

GRACE
Goddammit!

TAMMY
Do you have a television?

GRACE
What are you saying?  What?

TRIP
Grace, are you talking about me?

GRACE
I'm not talking to you!

GRACE
Tammy,  -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Goddammit, Grace!

TRIP
uhh! -- (interrupted)

TAMMY
Hey Trip, what's shaking?

TRIP
Tammy,  this is not normal, this has never happened.

TRIP
uhh...

GRACE
Tammy,  (annoyed sigh) Trip is sometimes so...

TRIP
Oh, we're talking about me again, are we?

GRACE
What?

TRIP
Grace, even though you're now a creative director at work, 

TRIP
 the truth is... you're not an artist.

GRACE
Uhh...!

TRIP
I'm sorry, you're not.

TAMMY
She is an artist

GRACE
Tammy,  -- (interrupted)

TRIP
Aha!

GRACE
See,    Tammy,  all this time, I just can't stop thinking that I should have been painting!

TRIP
Why don't you just do it then?      

TRIP
Be a goddamn artist already.  What are you afraid of, Grace?  

GRACE
Well, but...    Tammy,  I... I... uhh...  

TAMMY
Why don't you want to paint?

GRACE
Thanks for the encouraging words.  (frustrated -- (interrupted)

GRACE
Uhh, this painting, well... mmm...  see, all I really wanted was something personal and, uh... beautiful and special...

TRIP
Grace... 

GRACE
But I just... mmm... no, I -- I just get so depressed and angry when I look at it!

TRIP
Jesus...! 

TAMMY
Beep!

TRIP
No, look, there's nothing wrong with the stupid painting! 

GRACE
Well it makes me feel like ****.

TRIP
Uhh... you feel that for no reason! 

GRACE
Look, let's switch the focus to Trip.

(TAMMY picks up the advice ball.)

TRIP
See, what I've tried to do,    Tammy,  is help Grace somehow get over her art problem.

(The advice ball reads, "It's Definite")

(TAMMY puts down the advice ball.)

GRACE
My problem?  You have the problem!

GRACE
Ah, yes, just you saying that should help him, really...

TRIP
What?  Oh, Jesus...

TAMMY
Why is art a problem?

TRIP
Why?

GRACE
 See, Trip, art scares you or something.

TRIP
Ah ha, ha ha ha, ha, yeah, heh...

TRIP
No we need -- we need to talk about us both, not just one.

GRACE
Tammy,  you -- you blame me for all this, don't you?

TAMMY
No

TRIP
See, I don't think you really want to be an artist.   -- (interrupted)

TRIP
No?

GRACE
Oh, thank God you disagree, that really helps us!

GRACE
Okay, stop, I -- I can't do this anymore, goddammit!

GRACE
Tammy,  I know what you're trying to hint at...

(TAMMY picks up the advice ball.)

GRACE
about us... 

(The advice ball reads, "Sure Thing")

GRACE
about art... 

GRACE
Do you really want the honest truth? Huh?

TAMMY
Go ahead

GRACE
Trip, huh?

TRIP
Yes...!

GRACE
Tammy,  I've actually been paying close attention to what you've been saying tonight.

TAMMY
No you haven;t

GRACE
You've really been pushing me.

(TAMMY puts down the advice ball.)

(TAMMY picks up the advice ball.)

(TAMMY puts down the advice ball.)

GRACE
And I wonder, are -- are you really my friend...?

(TAMMY picks up the advice ball.)

(The advice ball reads, "Never")

(TAMMY puts down the advice ball.)

TRIP
Grace!

TAMMY
No

GRACE
Tammy,  Stop interrupting me, let me finish!

GRACE
Tammy,  come on -- yes or no...

GRACE
Do you really think that...

TAMMY
Nope

GRACE
praising me...

GRACE
telling me to make art...

GRACE
No,     Tammy,  let me finish!

GRACE
and what you said about hiding things from your spouse... 

GRACE
that all that is supposed to help us realize something about us?

GRACE
Is what you've said tonight supposed to add up somehow, to something?

TAMMY
Nope

GRACE
No?  Oh, well... I'm surprised you say that, I thought it did. 

GRACE
Trip, I --

GRACE
I let you stop me from being an artist.

TRIP
You let me --

GRACE
I was afraid, Trip okay?

TAMMY
Are you going to break up yet?

GRACE
I -- I admit it.

GRACE
I didn't know if -- if I could do it, be a real artist...

GRACE
And I've been using you as an excuse for why I didn't do it.

(TAMMY comforts grace.)

(TAMMY comforts grace.)

GRACE
uhh...

(TAMMY comforts grace.)

TRIP
uhh...

(TAMMY comforts grace.)

(TAMMY comforts grace.)

TRIP
Jesus...!

GRACE
Tammy,  I --

TRIP
I'm going to give you the truth too, Grace.

GRACE
What?!

TRIP
Grace, I know you want to be an artist.

TRIP
But I could never be married to you if you were.  

GRACE
What?

TAMMY
This isn't good

TRIP
I can't... I -- I just can't...

GRACE
But Trip --

TRIP
When I married you, see, I was sure I could convince you to give it up, to -- to go into advertising.

GRACE
Uhh...

TRIP
And -- and I did it, and it worked.

TRIP
But now... I -- I don't know, Grace...

TRIP
(big sigh) I don't know...

TAMMY
You should do what you want.

GRACE
uhh...

GRACE
Oh my God...!

GRACE
Okay,    Tammy,  Trip, I have one more thing to say...

TRIP
Again?!

GRACE
I painted this.

TRIP
Bull****.

GRACE
I am an artist, Trip, **** you.

TRIP
You've been secretly painting?  When --

GRACE
Everytime you go on a goddamn business trip, I paint.

GRACE
So don't EVER give me any more of your 'you could never be an artist' crap!!

TRIP
Jesus --

GRACE
uhh...

TAMMY
Oh sick burns

TRIP
uhh...

TRIP
Jesus...!

TAMMY
Trip, WHY CAN’T YOU ACCEPT ART?

TRIP
This changes everything...

GRACE
Yeah.

TRIP
And no,    Tammy,  please...

GRACE
You finally admitted it -- you just don't want me to be an artist...

TRIP
You... you really have to be an artist...

TRIP
I prevented you from being an artist...

GRACE
No, I -- I let you do it...

TRIP
Tammy,  I --

GRACE
Tammy,  we...

TAMMY
You are terrible people.

TRIP
Look, we -- we need to talk...

GRACE
Yeah.

TRIP
And no,    Tammy,  enough!

TRIP
Tammy,  Thanks for coming over, you... I think you helped us.

(Trip opens the front door.)

TAMMY
Bye

(TAMMY comforts trip.)

GRACE
Bye.  Thanks.

(Trip closes the front door.)


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